When at home all alone

That's when the feeling of loneliness really hits you. Even though you have someone very close and dear to you. It creeps up on you like a black whole. I know my marriage is strong and my husband loves me and I him, but I swear there are times when I feel like I am the only one here. Like nothing about me matters. Everything else in this world is more important. When this happens, all I wanna do is think about what it would be like to be with the one other person, besides my daughter, in my life that means the world to me. This post is probably going to open those feelings of guilt, feelings of lust and of course those feelings of "what if". Nothing of course is going to make me do anything against my husband because I am very faithful. But like I said in my first post, this is my chance to just vent and get things off my chest.

Every time I get left at home alone while he is out doing whatever he is doing...like hanging out with his friends, playing his playstation games...I just imagine what it would be like if me and "him" were together. Lets call "him" Tommy...now remember we are just calling him this, his real name is DEFINITELY not Tommy.

I imagine if we had gotten together when we had a chance almost 4 years ago if we would be the ones who were married, if we would even still be together, or the feelings that we got for each other would still be there. Either way, I ALWAYS imagine the same thing over and over again. When I actually see Tommy, all I can think of is ripping his clothes off and just making sweet sweet love to him. I never know if it is a love feeling I have for him or if it is just lust...but either way, my mind goes crazy just thinking about him touching my body. Him kissing my lips...the feeling of him just holding me and telling me how I make him feel. It makes me really cry sometimes to know that Tommy is sitting there at his house feeling all alone too. Even though he too has someone, there is no love in their relationship and it is just such a mundane life everyday. He deserves so much better than that.

"Tommy" if you ever read this, just know that you are worth way more than what she makes you feel like. You are one of the greatest human beings that I have met in my life, and I THANK YOU for everything you did and have done for me since we met...because without any of it, I would not be the person I am today. I truly do have love for you in my heart, and it will never be gone...nobody can take what you and I have away.